


Nothing is Wrong (Everything is Wrong)

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Hypochondria, Late Night Writing, References to Illness, references to death, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27099712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kinoshita just laid in bed some nights, when the paranoia was at it's worst, hand sometimes pressed against his heart, just to feel it beating. Just to make sure the rhythm was steady, that it didn't taper off, that he was completely fine.It didn't help him sleep, never helped him sleep, but it tried to settle the part of his brain always so worried over nothing.
Kudos: 2
Collections: Anonymous





	Nothing is Wrong (Everything is Wrong)

Kinoshita doesn't remember when it started.

Somewhere along the line, it just... _began_. The tiniest skip in his heartbeat made him anxious. That funny looking mole on his shoulder made him research skin cancer in a frenzy. That stomach ache he'd gotten, minor as it turned out to be, had convinced him his appendix was close to bursting. All this paranoia crawled out of the woodwork to settle on his shoulders in a cloud of worry.

In elementary school, he hadn't dealt with any of this. He was, as most kids were, completely and utterly unaware of the ugly parts of the world. His stomach hurt? Oh, no big deal, maybe he was just hungry. His head felt a little foggy and his nose was runny? Just a cold! He could stay home and watch cartoons and pretend that school didn't exist. Nothing was wrong! This twenty-four hour worry that he was sick wasn't a thing, then.

Maybe it was technology. It made it so easy to access the horror stories he'd never hear anywhere else; about someone's cold that got so bad it shocked their system, or a blood clot caught too late, or a sudden heart attack that took away a loved one. He could feel a twinge in his lower back that wouldn't go away, that might have not bothered him otherwise, only for a Google search to say it might be linked to diseases X, Y, and Z.

Maybe it was just the way he was prone to worry over the small things. He wasn't the most confident of people. He was quiet and nervous, a lot of the time, and a confident person that did not make. Except for this strange hyperfocus, it actually wasn't too much of a hindrance for him. After all, who else would make sure they kept the Salonpas on hand and the volleyball perfectly inflated, if not a worrier?

Maybe it had always been a part of him. Just… lying in wait, to fully become a thing. While not as terrible as it was now, he remembered being afraid of his intestines bunching into knots when he was little. It had been a scary story he'd overheard- it had haunted him for weeks on end.

Eventually, he had (of course) looked it up.

_Hypochondria_. That's what he'd researched (always researching, always looking; WebMD wasn't Bookmarked but it might as well be-) when he realized this level of worry wasn't _normal_. He didn't have a therapist's confirmation, he simply felt like his "imaginary" worries weren't worth the time, but he had a feeling that's how they'd diagnose him.

It didn't interfere with his volleyball much, nor his schoolwork, so that was a small blessing. Colds or flus didn't worry him as much as the unknowable, inner machinations of his cells and organs. And he never brought it up to the team, because he just… he didn't know how to describe it. The way he felt so focused on his own body, the way he got so paranoid that something would go Wrong that he couldn't fall asleep at night.

And, boy, was nighttime the _worst_. He had nothing to focus on except the rhythm of his heart, or that insistent, sharp pain in his side. It made sleep something he had to catch with repeated assurances to himself that it was nothing, that he was not going to pass in his sleep because his joints were achy and it was a symptom of something-or-other.

(Yeah. He was exhausted a lot of the time.)

Apparently, hypochondriacs either kept checking into the doctor's office to get "diagnosed," or avoided it all together. He was the latter.

It worried him, but his paranoia wasn't important enough to waste money on. He didn't want to become a burden. It was a painful cycle; feel a new pain, find a new disease, stay overly focused on searching for new symptoms, refuse to go to the doctor… rinse, repeat.

Maybe he'd ( _finally_ ) get a therapist one day. Maybe he'd work through his issues, and stop looking up symptoms, and stop worrying about what imaginary illness might wipe him from the Earth. Maybe he could leave it behind and learn how it felt not to obsess over his worries.

Today wasn't that day, but it could happen one day when he built up enough courage, and that was all he hoped for.

**Author's Note:**

> um.... yeah
> 
> this is my first haikyuu fic and decided to layer my problems onto kinoshita lol sorry buddy
> 
> i'm also not officially considered a hypochondriac, i haven't seen a therapist about it, but... my level of worry is Huge in comparison to other people i know


End file.
